During trainings there are always some people attending who are telling me that they had a very bad childhood. Because of that terrible period, they broke with their parents, or at least tell me they will never be the same as their parents. This also includes the way they’re handling their finances. Usually it ends with a statement like this: “I’m living an independent life now. My parents don’t influence my mood/sentiment/mind/behavior and so on anymore.” It’s not my position to help them overcome their childhood. But I will lead you through an example. Natasha is not her real name for privacy reasons.
Natasha grew up in a poor neighborhood. Her father was never around because he was working all the time. Her mother didn’t really care about her because she blamed Natasha for ruining her career. There was hardly any money in the family. One of the lines her mother always used to say was, “We are not good enough to become rich.” Basically, her mother didn’t feel good enough herself, she never picked up her career, even after Natasha left home. After Natasha left home, she swore to herself that she would find a partner that would be at home more, and that she always would love and appreciate her children.
At the time Natasha and I spoke, she had found a partner who was at home more often, so check on the first one. She didn’t have children (yet). She was living from paycheck to paycheck, no savings at all. She was working in a company where she was just a number. Natasha didn’t stand out, just did her job as requested by her boss, just like a lot of people do. Then we started talking about money and her financial situation. The reason why she attended was that she wanted to live with money, and no more money stress.
I asked her what she had in mind regarding her income. Natasha told me that if she could double her income, it would be great. The second question was about the actions she was taking to double her income, if she had a plan how to double her income. She didn’t have a plan and also didn’t have any idea how to realize it, she was just daydreaming. In my opinion, she had three options: Ask for a raise, ask for a promotion at her employer or find another better paid job. We dove into these options. At every possibility, she kept on saying that she wasn’t good enough, especially at the better paid positions. Natasha felt she wasn’t worthy enough. She felt she didn’t deserve all the money, she was never good enough. Then we found out the line her mother always used to say: “We are not good enough to become rich.”
Natasha was struck by lightning. She never ever thought her childhood memory would influence her as an adult. She thought she controlled her mind, but she was thinking on autopilot. Actually, she wasn’t thinking at all. Now we found one of her unhelpful convictions, she was able to start changing it. A couple of months later, I received an email that she had a better paid job at another company and she made a plan for the future.
Let’s end money stress together.